:)))

Before, I use to cherish my sleep and couldn't wait to dream because it pulled me away from living in reality, it sent me into another land, away from my troubles. It took me to a place where I didn't have to worry about anything. Lately I have been excellent at keeping myself strong. One thing I never expected was my conscious entering with me, giving me situations similar to the ones in real life. That's it. I don't want to sleep anymore... I DON'T want to dream anymore. It's reminding me of the pain that I'm trying to hide. It's telling me that I can't run away. It's showing me things that I don't want to see, making me feel things that I don't want to feel. I'm scared. It's making me weaker. NO...no more...no more...WAKE UP!!!!!!!

And the most scariest part is If I wake up I'm back in reality where there is no one I can trust or go to for comfort. No one to talk to who won't judge me. No one to go to who doesn't pity me. No one to go to who truly cares... I'm facing this alone, and forever will be...good night!!

what that feeling?

When you're just waiting. Waiting to get home, into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation. Nothing is wrong. But nothing is right either. And you're tired. Tired of everything, tired of nothing. And you just want someone to be there and tell you it's okay. But no one's going to be there. And you know you have to be strong for yourself, because no one can fix you. But you're tired of waiting. Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else. Tired of being strong. And for once, you just want it to be easy. To be simple. To be helped. To be saved. But you know you won't be. But you're still hoping. And you're still wishing. And you're still staying strong and fighting, with tears in your eyes. You're fighting.